I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
