Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
