She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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