i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
