yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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