I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
