Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
