You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
