No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
