Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
