tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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