when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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