Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
