your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
