Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
