I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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