You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
