sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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