No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
