next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
