Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
