I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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