i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
