Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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