i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize