She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
