I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
