i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
