I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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