First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
