Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
