guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
