I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
