6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
