Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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