We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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