Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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