I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
