im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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