Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
