Just took my morning after pill in the library
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
