he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
