you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
