I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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