She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
