I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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