The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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