i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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