I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
