Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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