Betty ford says i'm here all night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
