I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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