Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
