Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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