doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
