I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
