Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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