She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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