Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
