dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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