I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize