JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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