matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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