he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
