I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
