at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
