I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
