So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
