I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
