Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
