i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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