There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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