Where is the hickey?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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