I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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