If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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