How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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