Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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