pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
