Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
