if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is Oprah even human
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
