i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
