when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
