so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
